This is a common feeling, but connecting to support at any level can be a helpful first step. For example, a more comfortable initial approach might be therapy that helps you manage uncomfortable emotions – approaches like DBT, CBT, mindfulness, or ACT (you can learn more about these elsewhere on this site). When it comes to trauma-focused therapy, not all approaches involve speaking directly about what happened. Some patients find they are able to write about what happened even if they can't talk about it. See List of Treatment Approaches for a variety of other therapeutic approaches.
There are several options available to you if you don't feel up to face-to-face therapy. One is virtual (online) therapy with your camera turned off; most therapists permit this. Another is Written Exposure Therapy or WET, where the therapeutic process is centered on writing, not discussion. Even writing on your own can have real therapeutic value. Other self-help options are listed elsewhere on this site. You could also just start by reading – and watching videos – about healing from trauma; knowledge and understanding are key steps toward recovery.
Sometimes it takes time to identify the right match. Approaches to trauma treatment also vary quite a lot. If past therapy experiences were unhelpful or a poor fit, there is likely to be an option that would fit better. You can read about the many different types of trauma therapy and other (non-therapy) treatment options elsewhere on this website.
Treatment for substance use and trauma should ideally happen together, since the two problems can be closely linked. Dual-diagnosis programs may address both. Alternatively, the two issues can be addressed by separate providers over the same time period. Inpatient detox or rehab programs for substance use may be necessary as a first step, however.
If you have reason to think you may be suffering the effects of past trauma, even if you can't remember it, speaking with a therapist can help you explore your concerns and can provide guidance.
Many therapy practices use a sliding scale based on income for patients without insurance. Non-profit centers for victims of violence typically provide free counseling. Self-help approaches are another option.
Virtual (online) therapy is an option at most practices. Alternatively, bus service should allow access to many therapists in Suffolk County.
Many therapy practices offer after-hours appointments. There may be a longer wait for these appointments.